Control
by shinjuku041
Summary: Tezuka's feelings was something that he could never control no matter how hard he tries to do so.


After suffering from a writer's block for such a long time, I am just happy to be able to write another perfect pair fic. I do not have any beta reader and have some slight problems with my grammar though but hopefully, you will be able to Enjoy! =D

xoxoxo

_When I first met him, I never understood these new feelings. It was very different and is something that gives more adrenalin in my body, much more than a great tennis match. I hated it because it happened to be one of the few things that I could never control. Surprisingly, these feelings grow to be more intense. As he always stays on my left and through sudden brush and contact we had, I could not control myself anymore. It was such a bother._

_Yet, after all this time, our relationship grew stronger. Surprisingly, I long for his presence everyday. I started to adore him. I like his blue eyes that only looked intensely upon me and his mischievous ways of teasing me. I like everything about him. As I know him more, I am drawn to him more. I cared for him more than necessary. All along, I thought these were normal. I hated myself for not knowing this was not normal either. Then, what the hell is this that I am feeling for him?_

xoxoxo

"Ne, you are leaving? Why so sudden?" he curiously asked.

"Ah. It's an opportunity I can't pass" I replied but I never dared tell him the real reason why.

"How long will you be there?" he asked again as he finally opened his beautiful eyes.

"A year at least" I answered as I stared into his beautiful eyes more than necessary.

"Ne, you must be a tennis pro already when you come back" he chuckled.

"Hopefully" I replied as I look at his face even more closely.

"Ne, you better take care of yourself when you are there"

"I will" I told him even though I could not even breathe properly when I see him this breathtakingly beautiful.

"Ne, shall I accompany you to the airport tomorrow?"

"No need. You'll just be a bother" I coldly replied.

"Well then, goodbye" he said with hurt and pain clearly written in his eyes. He already closed his eyes and turned back again to his smiling face.

I did not reply anymore as I started to leave. That moment had been the last conversation I had with him since then.

xoxoxo

_I stayed away for I could not control my feelings anymore. I wanted to stay away for I simply do not know how to handle this continuously growing intense feeling I felt only toward him. For half a year, I never replied to his messages. I do not know what to say or maybe I was afraid to tell him what I felt after all this time I was away from him. Should I tell him that I miss him? Should I tell him that I want to see him right now? Should I tell him I love him very much? I never dared to tell any. I was afraid of myself, afraid that I was turning myself into something I do not know._

_It was supposed to be more than a year that I should be away but I came back earlier than expected. Though I did not quit playing tennis, I temporarily stopped my pursuit of becoming a professional tennis player. It was necessary for I could not focus anymore. My heart and my mind are telling me opposite things since after all, I was not able to concentrate fully on my professional tennis career for my heart was not with it. I know that my heart was just somewhere else..._

_xoxoxo_

_Everyone was shocked with my sudden return and my unexpected decision. No one would have seen it coming, not even him. When I saw him again, I realized that he has always been as beautiful as ever as he looked at me again with his beautiful eyes. Suddenly, without even knowing it, all my feelings for him, no matter how hard I try to control it, have again been overflowing. I hated it. _

"Welcome back" he said to me as I was able to again intensely look at his beautiful face.

_That was all it took for me to know that my love for him had always been there, no matter how hard I try to suppress it. It was horrifying as I realized that my journey to stay away from him had been futile. As my purpose to leave was to control and even suppress my feelings for him, the effect had been opposite. I do not know what to do with these uncontrollable feelings anymore._

xoxoxo

It was almost late at night when an unexpected visitor came at my flat. My jaws almost dropped when I saw the person I most feared to see. As I saw him from my window, he smiled at me. I then asked him to come inside for it was cold but he just asked me to accompany him to the tennis courts.

Sudden brushes with his hand and mine caused me a flaming sensation inside of me as we walked. Until now, I still wonder why it has to be him who causes this unexplainable sensation I always felt whenever I am with him. There was one thing that I realized through all this time I am away from him. Before it's too late, I would face it all. I will now take the chance for no matter how hard I try to deny it. I had learned that what I felt for Fuji is love. All these feelings I have always felt when I am with him were all because I love and will always Fuji.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked me with concern with his blue eyes looking at me.

His blue eyes that I adore, as I look at upon it again, have shown me right now that I have absolutely fallen in love with Fuji. And it was just terrifying.

As we reached the tennis courts, I noticed that there was sudden joy in his eyes but then, it was soon replaced by loneliness. He closed his eyes again as he asked me something.

"Ne Tezuka, everyone has been talking about you. Is it true that you are saying goodbye to tennis?"

"Temporarily, I will." I replied.

I found him looking at the night sky as he spoke to me.

"I'm sorry for always being such a bother to you"

It was the time I lost my own senses as I embraced him from his back. My knees were then shaking as this was the first time I was this close to him. I shivered as I breathe his natural fragrance. My heart is unstoppably shaking. I continue to shiver and I am certain that he can feel it.

"You are always such a bother."

"My heart is shaking." I said after a momentary pause.

"It was most terrifying falling in love with you."

He now faced me with surprise written all over his face. His blue eyes are now completely open as tears begin to come out from his beautiful eyes. I tried to wipe away his tears but it just continues to flow.

We then shared our first kiss together.

I closed my eyes and kissed him as much so he may feel what has always been inside my heart. He kissed me and I already knew that he felt these feelings too. I then realized I never should have controlled these feelings rather I should have let it flow. I should have not wasted time if only I knew that I will finally find this feeling of satisfaction with Fuji.

xoxoxo

I have not written any perfect pair stories for more than a year. Tell me what you think. Your reviews and comments are very much appreciated. =D

Happy new year everyone! Have a great year ahead! =D


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